my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
