I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
