i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
