Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
