i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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