PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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