your thong is hanging out like whoa
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
