I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
