I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
