Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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