I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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