My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
