if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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