:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
