apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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