why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
