OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
