This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize