Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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