haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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