Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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