i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
