and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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