glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just threw up on my dentist
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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