Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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