32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
