its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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