oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
