the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
tell me about the fingering
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
