capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
