I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
