I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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