Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
