Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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