I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
