I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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