Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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