VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
