how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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