Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When are your genitals available?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize