we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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