I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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