my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
