We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
