I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
