Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
