Christians are straight up FREAKS
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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