I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
