Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
