thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
