there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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