Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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