she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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