I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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