Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
