The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize