I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
