awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
