Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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