i would punch a child for taco bell
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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