I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
