i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
