Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
