four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
