Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize