Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
