It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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