I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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