Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
