i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
